The curtain may have fell on year 2006 22hrs ago but that does not mean I can't look back and ruminating on whatever happened back then. In fact, I have to make a record of 2006 for I consider it to be a turning point in my growing up.
Sweet sixteen means more to me than being able to watch NC16 movies. I seem to have undergone some sort of maturity growth spurt at 16. Back in my lower secondary days, I was the cute kid who basked in attention. Like I mentioned once in a previous entry, people somehow found me cute. This was a far cry from my time in primary school, where I was a plain Jane. Being the airhead I was, I built up a frivolous and childish image to get more of the attention. Acting cute was part of it too. Operation Cutiepie was succesful but deep down inside, it felt so superficial. People were noticing me all right. For being a sissy.
My maturity level spiked at Sec 4 with the advent of the "O" Levels. The Omnious "O"s were an extremely big deal, so there was no time for childish nonsense. It was even more pressurising for me to do well because I was not very academically-inclined. I needed help. Badly. It dawned on me that I needed to shed the clingy, silly image in order to get the coaching I need. Who's going to pay attention to a giggly kid? No, the time had come to switch to a more serious mode. That bloody mask will have to be disposed off.
So I began approaching teachers for extra help. Something I would get all giggly about to dare to do in lower secondary. From then on, I discovered a new type of attention. Not the oh-so-cute type but a good-you're-responsible, warm one. I could tell they were pleased with me and I like that because I was being admired for the 'right' reasons. In my teachers' eyes, I was a responsible person and they began to entrust me with more difficult tasks. By the time I left Crescent, quite a number of upper secondary teachers knew me for my good attitude.
Perhaps you could say I got caught in an identity crisis and eventually managed to untangle myself. Well, almost. There are times I revert to the old silly self but usually to diffuse some tention in a situation. But I can be serious when the situation calls for it. The bottomline is this: I know that there is a time and place for everything.
The other day, Mum was telling me that people whom others find cute are usually perceived as pansies with little leadership. When I think back to some of the cringe-worthy antics of the past (e.g speaking in a high-pitched voice), I found myself agreeing with her. There is a limit to how sugar-sweet one can be. But then again, if ppl think I'm cute looks-wise, there's not much I can do about it.
In the end, I just want to be me. Soon, I will be entering a new school (Nanyang Junior College) and am determined to make a good impression while not putting on another bloody mask. Garnet of Final Fantasy 9 sums this whole post up best: "Someday I will be Queen(her, not me). But I will always be who I am."
And I will always think of you as the sun*
I'M YING YI
a.k.a Yiggy,YY.28 April:).Crescent Red Cross Cadet.The 4th Silicon electron*.Is a DEVIANT* Gothic Bohemian punk rocker.
Also an ANIMANIAC(anime-fan).Bookworm.Rock music!LORD OF THE RINGS, FINAL FANTASY.more ENERGY than all comets of the universe put2gether.Hardcore Romantic.DARK personality.Black & Pink!
